And the wisdom to know the difference...

Anyone who comes to therapy in our office suite knows that there tend to be themes that make themselves apparent at different times; often these seem like a common thread beautifully weaving between clients who may otherwise seem to have little in common.  For the past few weeks, one of these themes has been around the idea presented in the Serenity Prayer.  Putting religion aside, the Serenity Prayer delivers a powerful message: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Acceptance. Courage. Wisdom. Who wouldn't want more of these things in one's life? How, though? How do we achieve this?

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we refer to a guiding principle known as Radical Acceptance. While it's a difficult concept for many people to understand at first, it's an integral part of DBT treatment. Basically, the idea is this: we are all here in our own present moment and we must accept this moment completely, just as it is, without judging it or trying to change it.  For those of you who practice mindfulness, this concept will probably sound familiar. By not judging a moment as good or bad, we allow ourselves to be more aware of the series of events and decisions that led us to this moment and we free ourselves of impulsive emotion-driven reactions. 

Now, should we just blindly accept situations that are harmful or even abusive? Of course not.  This is where the courage to change comes into play. Once we accept a moment for how it is, we have a choice: we can assess what role we may have played in this situation coming to be AND we can decide how to respond differently so that we or those around us feel less pain.  This summarizes another important tenet of DBT: finding the balance between acceptance and change.  Achieving that balance requires wisdom, or what we refer to in DBT as “Wise Mind.” 

Acceptance of the present moment.  Willingness to change how we respond.  The wisdom to guide us in our journey.  May we all find more of these things in the new year.